Intimate relationships are complicated, but they don’t have to be. 

 

As always, I take a collaborative approach to supporting couples to understand and address the challenges and needs in their relationship. I look at love and relationships through the lens of attachment. Emotional safety with a significant other comes with mutual accessibility, responsiveness and engagement. Limitations in any of these areas can disrupt our sense of safety, triggering fight, flight or freeze responses (such as criticizing, withdrawing or shutting down) that we often see in relationships. Such responses often come to exist in a recurrent, problematic pattern between couples, which often begins to take on an insidious life of its own. I help couples to name such patterns and become a team allied against the problem. We work together to identify the different roles in the pattern, and to better understand the emotions and attachment needs beneath these contributions. Through this process, we can develop new and healthier patterns of understanding, connecting and communicating.

 

Newer to the relationship? It is never to early to start couples therapy! While “premarital counselling” may or may not be for you, counselling before any big step in the relationship can be tremendously beneficial to your future. A therapist can offer you a neutral space and mediator to explore topics of life goals, values, expectations, finances, sex and intimacy, family relationships and much more; all while offering you the insight, skills and tools to navigate such challenging topics in a way that strengthens rather than hinders your relationship. 

 

It is also never too late for couples therapy. Therapy is not a magic wand (believe me, I’ve searched!). But it can inspire perspectives and conversations that can change the trajectory of your relationship.

 

Even when endings cannot be avoided, separation counselling can be immensely helpful for reassurance, closure and amicability. While I am always rooting for the happily ever after, sometimes parting well is the happy ending we need.

 

Wherever you are at in your relationship, if this feels like the approach for you, please do not hesitate to reach out.